I woke up at 6AM I haven't brushed my teeth or peed because I have to tell you this right now. It cannot wait. If I don't tell you this, NOW, my life is meaningless.
You're worth it.
Don't put up with that shit.
Many of us who grew up in situations where our uniqueness wasn't exactly celebrated (ya feel me?), will often stand for all kinds of abuse, typically in work and relationships because this is all they have ever known. Someone who was positively reinforced and emotionally supported in their formative years (and what is being "formed" in the formative years? : chakras, psyche, money story, love story, success story, lonely-when-alone story, Jung etc. "wait, what does this mean?" - call me) will never stand for this kind of abuse for a minute. You know your fabulous friend with the standards you kiiiiiind think are too high, but you wish you had her confidence?
There's the difference.
In an suppressive home, the core switch that is naturally set at "valuable beyond belief" and should always be set as such, got somehow confused with "worthless and undeserving". No one took the time to fix it, you were too busy surviving to make self-care a habit, and this home life also taught you how to be a real space alien about asking for help. This a recipe for disaster, and dinner is served! Sure, it might be your great grandmothers recipe for disaster passed down from generation to generation. Now, as you move into true womanhood, this core switch confusion causing all kinds of problems for you.
This can be fixed, don't worry. There's a lot of steps to that. You're on the right path. This is mainly to alert you to something you might not be clearly aware of. Head to my blog and read everything under self love, and codependency. Take advantage of the fact that I get less replies than you assume and hit reply!
I ask you to keep this in mind if you're on the fence about someone:
You don't know how amazing you're going to become yet. Truly. You're suspicious of it, I know you are otherwise you would have stopped at the first paragraph. Yes you. You can have whatever you desire, be whomever you desire.
My sister's husband, Scott, was the first person to tell me to never settle. This was THIS January. I had been engaged four times at that point, and my sister's marriage was the first case of unconditional love that I have ever really witnessed. The lack of yelling, no shitting on ideas, humiliation, shushing, passive aggression, your partner not sucking the life out of you etc. There is a gentleness there that speaks volumes to the level of respect. The opposite of abusive.
They introduced me to positive reinforcement.
He said to me, and I say to you: "You're a prize. don't be with someone who can't see that.".
My core switch was at "worthless." The fear story of "settle because no one else will love you." was all I had never known.
Simple, right? Anyone-could-say-that right? Well that's me what about you, right?
My sister in life, things don't have to stay this way for you. It's a long road. Rihanna says self love is a full time job. She right.
In closing I want you to imagine something for me. Have you traveled before? Make time for it if not. This root fear can really keep you at home, haha.
Imagine that your romantic happiness has been chartered for you. You bought the ticket at a time when you knew in great detail what your entire future would hold. You're flying first class. The destination is sure, but you've since forgotten exactly where you're going and how long it will take to get there. The plane cannot crash. Your ticket cannot be revoked. Yes?
Every time you date someone who isn't the one, you're on a layover. You can get out and walk around. You may have even missed your original connecting flight home on this layover because it was hard to leave this little intermission, you were having fun. Sometimes you think you want to stay on this layover forever, sometimes you might try to. Don't worry. Any time you are ready to get back on your original flight, headed to what you know and have always subconsciously known you deserve. It can be like the movies, like your movie. Don't feel bad about not upholding your standards before, you didn't know how valuable you are. You still don't.
The right partner can hold a vision for you that is bigger than you can see for yourself. You can grow with the right partner, into a fuller expression of yourself. Someone who will really make you feel like anything is possible. Truly unconditional.
If it's not unconditional, entertain the idea that it may be a layover. Take your time, see the sights, and when you're ready to raise your standards. Head to the airport, your jet is waiting.
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