Here we are, at the end of another year! 2017 was my most productive year ever. I launched three workshops, wrote a book, met the man of my dreams (and got pregnant!), sent a proposal to a publisher, stopped taking one on one clients (Hello, passive income!), and really stepped into my own as a teacher.
If you follow me on @thebrujareport , you know that I live my life inside out. Meaning, I don't expect anything to change outside unless I've changed something inside. Here are the 17 inner shifts I made, that made 2017 my most productive year - ever.
Danielle LaPorte never ceases to amaze me, she made a list like this which inspired mine, and I suggest you check it out here!
1.) Dropped the guilt around my creative process.
Try being creative while simultaneously judging yourself for HOW you stay creative. I spent years, especially 2016 berating my creative process. "I'm unfocused.", "I leave things to the last minute." ,"I get distracted" ,"People can't handle my work mode, they call me crazy" (P.S. Drop them.). When I stopped trying to "fix" my process, and just LET IT BE MY PROCESS - the results were epic. Your feelings are your choice, and the only person who can make you feel guilty - is you. Eradicate guilt everywhere you can, but start with your creativity, especially if you want to make money on it.
2.) Grief Recovery Method.
I spent my last dollars (literally), moving to Keller, Texas in January to do Grief Recovery with this woman. Bad news: She doesn't do Skype, very few certified Grief Recovery facilitators do. Good News: They all do the same method, for the same price. $495 for seven weeks, and as low as $10 a session if you get in a group. You can find one near you through the official site.
When I stopped avoiding my sadness and learned how to grieve, my whole life changed. You can also read the book.
3.) Took Saturdays off.
Overworking is FEAR (connected to the "hard work = money" belief system). If you can't take a day off because you're afraid nothing will get done if you're not grinding your face off - you're going to have to address it. Leave your phone at home and immerse yourself in something unrelated to your job. This might take practice. Rest ethic is the new work ethic. You can wait for a catalyst, or take conscious time off in 2018.
4.) Addressed the things I said I'd do, and never did.
Want self-esteem? Do esteemable things. The far-reaching benefits of this practice are too good to miss. It is one of the most potent tools for freeing yourself from shame. Peep a one minute video from the archives on this here.
5.) Felt the fear, and did it anyways.
Launching my first workshop scared me shitless. Launching my second did too. Dropping one-on-one clients (my bread and buttah) terrified me, as did buying my first truck (and a camper!) and hitting the road. I was scared shitless about dropping a proposal off at my publisher, doing my first exorcism, and signing a lease on my first house alone (for 2k a month). All of these things scared me, but I did them anyways. At the end of the day there's only two thought sources, fear and faith. Go beyond fear.
6.) Stopped manifesting, started praying.
You have to know how to manifest (Spirituality 101) in order to develop the trust needed to stop manifesting (Spirituality 2.0) I was getting everything I was manifesting, and when it would show up - it wouldn't make me happy. Giving up manifesting means relinquishing control and trusting that whatever is in control - loves you and wants you to be happy. I changed my prayers from what I thought I wanted to praying that the outcome would be of the highest service to all concerned. I allowed the Universe to surprise me, trusting that it knew what I liked. On @thebrujareport I talk a lot about praying to Divine Feminine - aka bitching to God. The results...wow.
7.) Created passive income in my business.
Passive income is the exact opposite of "hard work = money". It is a MINDSET. If you did my *passive income* money course Breaking Broke you learn all about the deep roots of this belief, and also the three-step manifesting process. Expect to power through all your doubts about working hard for money. Expect to constantly evaluate where you're losing time. Expect to veer far outside of your comfort zone and push people out of theirs. It might take a minute - but it WILL work.
8.) Got real about my time.
How much time am I actually on Instagram waiting to be "ready" for meditation? How much time am I spending answering DM's?How much time am I spending taking free calls from non-friends? How much time am I actually taking calls from friends who are fairly comfortable in perpetual crisis mode? How much time am I spending worrying about the well-being of my family? How much time and money can I save myself and my clients by converting as much $$ conversation into digital lectures as possible? My time is my currency, and my ass was broke! Hello airplane mode! Remember the only person who can make you feel guilty (about missing their call) is you.
9.) Upped my food budget.
If regular kale is $1.99 and organic is $2.50, and you can't validate getting the better option (even though it's the fuel that powers the most important thing in your life - you!) - then you aren't worth fifty cents to yourself. I know what it's like to be broke - way broke. But I also know you can eat good quality beans, good quality rice, and good quality greens for under $30 a week. Use the mantra: "there's plenty more where that came from" every time you buy anything. The Universe wants you fed well. You're not a snob for wanting food thats grown in a way that's good for the environment, the grower, the eater, and the operation it's sold under. Only person saying there's not enough, is you.
10.) Accepted my body as is.
I dropped all diets (big deal for an Integrative Nutrition alum) and demonizing foods like gluten and sugar. I let the philosophy of "whatever I resist, will persist.". I applied my research of true hunger, prayed for Spirit to help me free up some mental bandwidth where all the food strategizing used to be, and gave my body permission to go to it's unedited version. Best move ever. What I learned became the basis of my video "How to love yourself when you hate yourself".
11.) Trimmed my social circle way down.
If you love me, don't try to change me. If I love you, I won't try to change you. I assessed all the relationships I felt would be better if one fundamental thing was different, and dropped them (potential is not love). Then I took stock of the relationships where I got shit for being exactly the way I was. Being a solution-based thinker means if you want someone to "vent" to with no intention of strategizing a solution in that same conversation - don't call me. I've been called insensitive, selfish, weird, and a host of other things for my refusal to tolerate negativity in my circle. As spiritual people we can stay in abusive situations way too long because we see our proficiency at recovering from shit flung at us as a learning experience. You can learn from any abuse, my dear, or you could just surround yourself with people you like and that like you AS IS.
12.) Gave up on worrying if it would all work out.
Even if you're uncomfortable now, you know that in hindsight you'll see that you're happy it went down the way that it did because it taught you X and brought you to where you needed to be. Did you know you can just cut straight to that mindset? Try it.
13.) Had gratitude for where I was.
When your 100k followers show up, you'll deal with pissing off 5k people as opposed to 5. When dream bae shows up, and he/she will, half your closet, half your time, and half (okay 3/4) of your epic masturbation sessions will go with it. New level, new devil. Enjoy where you are. You always have exactly what you need to do what you need right now. If I had all the clients I manifested I would be 5 months pregnant and up to my eyes in open contracts. If I had had 10k in February I would be chasing the wrong guy halfway through Europe instead of being in the path of the right one. You're exactly where you're meant to be.
14.) Asked "Am I doing this for approval?" before I did anything.
15.) Broke up with my teachers, and trusted my own work.
Bye-bye rigorous and demanding kundalini practice. See you later, Chani Nicholas. Adios, 7-year Tarot teacher. I stopped inputting and started integrating. The result? An education that would define my career in 2017, and open me up to the abundance, love, and vitality that had been waiting for me all along.
16.) Narrowed my skin care products down to one.
Coconut oil. On my face, in my hair, on my body. The only person who benefitted from this more than me was my mom, who got a barrel of Kiehl's.
17.) Told a bae to fuck off, and the right one was just a moment away.
If he ain't calling you, drop him. If he has a list of reasons as to why he can't be with you, drop him. If he says he's not available, drop him. Out there there is someone who will live to make you happy, and as long as you're happy with mediocrity he can't show up. Like Cardi B said: Indecision is a decision. Accept it for what it is, and leave.
The last installment of my free workshop on trauma goes live today on @everestasher. I'll be guiding you into do a basic trauma healing process! You do not want to miss this. No reruns, it's up for 24 hours only! xox
I want to tell you about how important your desire is. Yes, desire. It's 50% of manifesting, and desiring (if you're used to doors slamming in your face) can be HIGHLY uncomfortable, and that's going to have to change before you are allowed to cash in on your life's potential.
Think about when you're SO hungry and you go to a restaurant and order your food. Sometimes it takes forever, sometimes you wonder if the waitress forgot about you, sometimes you see other people getting their food before you, sometimes the WHOLE TABLE gets their food before you. You want it so bad, but if there's something inside of you that says "It's not going to happen." , the wait is excruciating.
Desire can be REALLY uncomfortable. I've been meditating for almost six years, and I can sit in silence easily for long periods of time. My latest practice is to spend fifteen minutes a day actively desiring and it is SO much more difficult. Why? Because somewhere I still thought I'm being reckless by doing this, that it's "unrealistic". Because I couldn't let myself desire, nothing I wanted could manifest to completion.
You have to know you're worth it. (this can take serious time, but it doesn't have to.)
So this is what I recommend for you. Set a timer on your phone for 5-15 minutes, and go scroll through insta or Pinterest collecting things that you like. Fashion, houses, gorgeous men and women, food, hotels, travel. Let yourself WANT things, and know that it's healthy. It's okay. It's GOOD.
Imagine how these things make you FEEL. What does that Maje jacket feel like? How do those Saint Laurent sneakers feel? When your partner is smiling at you on your wedding day, what does your heart feel like? When your throwing the keys on the table in your new apartment, what does it FEEL like.
The secret to manifesting is in those feelings, launched into the cosmos on the wings of desire. Your desire is your prayer. I'll say that again.
Your desire is your prayer.
Remember this line from A Course in Miracles. "Those assured of the outcome can wait, and wait without anxiety."
Loving you from over here. Xoxo -Hol
If you want to know what's blocking in YOUR personal manifesting practice, book a session with me!
It's a lot easier to DO than it is to BE.
In the quest for unconditional love, it's easier to say to someone: "Look at all this Real Tangible Shit that I've DONE, all this Real Tangible Shit that I'm DOING, and the Real Tangible Shit I'm GOING TO DO!" than it is to say (and mean) "I Am here in my presence and it is enough."
When life gave me an opportunity to BE, I would panic. "Be still and know that I Am God."? I don't think so.
I saw the stillness, the state of Being as a great place to get some extra doing done. Into the stillness I brought the To-Do list, the business plans, the collabs, the red-eyes. I brought the juice cleanse, the phone calls, the five-and-ten-year plans.
My meditation felt like rummaging through the file cabinets of my mind, slamming drawers and throwing papers frantically looking for Life's Answers, hoping they would look like:
"Do more ___________."
As you step into the role of Creator in your life, you'll learn you don't attract what you want, you attract what you are. It's not what you do, not what you say - it's how you BE. In order to attract what you want, you have to BE what you want.
Being is quiet. It's not moving slow and it's not moving fast. It's presence. Being feels like washing a dish perfectly, because it's all you're doing in that moment. Being feels like forgetting your phone multiple times a day. Being makes everything and everyone supremely interesting. I watched my brother clip his fingernails for about 15 minutes today, and how cool! He was completely absorbed in this one activity, he was fully meditative. He was the essence of Being.
Being is soft. Being is running your fingers over something just to feel how it feels. Being is breathing on cue with the lover asleep next to you. Being is not picking the flower. Being is quietly curious. Being in meditation is wading into great expanse of absolute silence - no answers here, just an opportunity to see what a mind feels like when it stops DOING so much for one fucking second, and is allowed to exist as is because it is perfect, as is.
Being takes un-doing. Patience. A supreme okay-ness with not getting anything done for a minute.
Taoist wisdom: "I do nothing, and I leave nothing undone."
Does brainstorming accomplish anything that brainstilling would not?
I'm sending you all the love in the world from the quietest, least exciting, most do-nothing, place I've ever been in. I'm not launching a business, reformatting my website, or strategizing shit for myself or others. I'm BEING here, and it's so much more than enough.
Morning practice: give ten inhales and ten exhales your undivided attention.
My favorite line from the metaphysical masterpiece A Course in Miracles is:
"Those assured of the outcome can wait, and wait without anxiety."
I never knew there was a way to wait without anxiety. It seemed like whether I was waiting on a brunch order, a phone call, or a paycheck - it was a furnace of anxiety. I didn't believe that what I wanted was coming for me, because I didn't BELIEVE I deserved it.
"A belief is just a thought you keep thinking." - Abraham Hicks
If you get clear about how unconditionally lovable you are (the hard part tbh) you BELIEVE that what you are looking for and attracting is also looking for and attracting you. When you believe in this co-creation with the God force in your life, there's never a second when you're anxious in the interim. You believe it's coming, and it always does.
Like being in a car on a long drive. You may not be at the destination yet, but you know you're on the way. Many people (like me) think road tripping is the shit.
What is it that you want, and what is the fear based story from your past that is blocking it?
What are you the most anxiety-ridden over, and what needs to be forgiven for the story to disappear?
These are the metaphysical life questions I unpack with my clients to assist them in manifesting all they desire, and feeling at perfect peace on the in-between. You can be a client if you want.
I bring you all the love and all the magic you need for this trip - xoxo
Everything I teach I learned from ACIM.
Are you interested in A Course in Miracles, but find it impossible to get through? I FEEL YOU. It took me five years to get past the first few pages. I have spent the last little bit breaking down the 365 daily studies of the Course into 365 easier-to-understand daily lessons.
The Course is perfect, and every word in it is well-put and flawless, what I had a hard time with was the Jesus terminology and understanding terms like "Nothing real can be threatened, nothing unreal exists.". If you like the way I break things down, you might want to consider investing in my year-long Course. A daily lesson, straight from the Course, straight to your inbox.
Hit reply to get on the wait list, and expect miracles.
"The breezes at dawn have secrets to tell you
Don't go back to sleep!
You must ask for what you really want.
Don't go back to sleep!
People are going back and forth
across the doorsill where the two worlds touch,
The door is round and open
Don't go back to sleep!"
For creative people, being on a creative roll is your currency. How you bring yourself into your creative zone and with what kind of discipline you keep yourself there, is what sets you apart from other artists and entrepreneurs in your field.
When you sleep, you access your creativity in the purest way possible. In your dreams you slowly wade into the still black waters of your subconscious mind, before diving deep and searching for pearls to bring up to the surface with you.
The moments bookending your subconscious expedition (as you're drifting off to sleep, or waking in the morning) are sacred. What most people consider to be their early morning "fog" is actually the "doorsill" that Rumi is talking about. It's where your subconscious and your conscious are blurred together. Richard Kipling, Carl Jung, David Lynch, Stephen King, Christopher Nolan, Mary Shelley, Niels Bohr and so many others got some of their most memorable ideas in these lucid states.
The yoga (definition: union) of the conscious and subconscious is what builds your intuition, your inner knowing. The Bible defines this is the "substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." .
In these hazy too-early morning moments, or when you're awake for "no reason" in the middle of the night, don't go back to sleep! The second your eyes click open, put your feet on the ground. "The breezes of dawn have secrets to tell you, don't go back to sleep."
Embrace the insomnia, cock-a-doodle-doos, the sleep apnea of your lover. You've been given the gift of increased intuitive vision in these early windows, where you can get all the ideas you need. Don't panic about how you'll be tired at work or blah blah, just roll with it! A 20 minute meditation will rest you up more than sleeping will, and if you're moving a little slower all day - good!!
Enjoy the silence ✨
Marlon Brando is a major hero of mine, he's helped me to personally define value, and honor.
Most recently he taught me something about guilt. Marlon Brando hated guilt because he said guilt was an impossible emotion to play. An expression of guilt would always come out as sadness, or anger, confusion, or mania. It's a soul sucking emotion we all experience that expresses itself in many ways, and is basically like giving yourself a cease and desist for any and all creativity.
Many creatives feel guilt about their creative process, but they don't know it's guilt. So they feel sad, stunted, confused, outraged, alone, and don't know why. After too much of this guilt, a creative mind starts wondering if they've made the right choices, if they're doing the right thing, if their work matters.
Unidentified guilt expresses as depression, mood swings, frustration, aggression, paranoia, stress, total-and-complete-artists-block, apathy and more. It's a guilt story the mind created when there is simply NOTHING to feel guilty about.
Whatever you do to stay creative, own it and DO NOT FEEL BAD ABOUT IT. Whatever it takes, that's your process. No one needs to know your process, you're not taking opinions on your process, that's your process. Artist guilt is real, and I aim to eradicate it.
And one more thing: "Don't confuse the size of your paycheck with the size of your talent." - Marlon Brando
I'm not being harsh, or having an existential crisis, but this statement is one of the most valuable things I've learned in recent months.
The Universe is neutral, it does not believe in "right" or "wrong" (neither do I, and neither should you.). All that right and wrong nonsense is just some leftover religious crap designed to guilt us out of or creative destiny.
The Universe is never rewarding you, or punishing you, and it is most certainly not testing you - it just is.
The Universe's sole function is to provide a completely clear reflection of what you are projecting out onto it. If you're tight with money, it's tight with money. If you're judging on people, they're judging on you. If your partner won't listen or accept they're wrong, YOU won't listen or accept you're wrong. If you don't love yourself unconditionally, you can't be loved unconditionally.
The work is always with us, my darling. Always. In order to correctly manifest all that you desire (manifesting can be an instant thing, not a whole process depending on how willing you are to let the old idea of yourself go.) you have to be willing to step back and watch what you are painting the town with.
There are no exceptions to this rule. There is no order of difficulty of what you can and cannot manifest. There is also no timeline. You can manifest something in two minutes or two years, it's YOUR CHOICE, though.
Manifesting isn't a religious thing either, it's merely synchronizing your life with your desires. They're already connected, your dreams already exist, all you have to do is reach out and grab it. Works like Bluetooth. Turn the signal on, connect it to the desired device (and disconnect from the old one) sit back, and let the good times roll.
I teach my clients how to manifest regularly, I'm quite a pro at it now. I have also helped my clients manifest the money (and more) to cover their coaching fees with me. I'm currently enrolling clients, if you're interested hit reply. Spots go fast, results are instantaneous, and the day you choose to sign on will go down in your history as The Gamechanger in your life.
With my love -
If this is all new to you, don't worry! There's a meditation 101 video and a manifesting 101 video for you under the MEDS section of my website.
I got arrested on mushrooms when I was nineteen.
During my stay at the 94th Precinct, with my mugshot blazing at me from the buzzing TV (I'll tell you about that later), I deeply contemplated an idea that there were two types of minds out there. A creative mind, and a cop mind.
Now if you're thinking I'm going to cop bash, I'm not. I also don't believe in right/wrong, good/bad or any of that. I believe there are many "cops" that ID as creative, and many creatives that ID as "cops.". Yin/Yang.
A cop mind has a manual they can follow that they believe everyone should adhere to unilaterally. To this mind, this manual is the proven way to success, and abiding by this rule structure will yield you the most success with hard work, a five-and-ten year plan, and complete observance of The Law. It is 95% execution, and 5% creativity.
When your parents are insisting that you return to college (after you've spent 20 minutes teaching them how to call an Uber.), start a four-year internship for a job you don't want, or when your peers are constantly demanding to know what's next for you. When will you stabilize? Be "productive"? Settle down? These are ways your creative mind can feel policed by cop thoughts.
A creative mind asks "Why?" always. There is no rule book, you are The Law. You don't have a book of morals, but your honor is universal. On a case by case basis, you see each experience as your art, and you use your honor to curate settings that you think will lift yourself and those around you to their highest vibration.
As a creative you are neurologically hardwired to see another option for everything, and move into your choice from an intuitive (read: joyful) place. That makes following a rule book you didn't write a very difficult procedure for you. A creative mind is 95% creativity, and 5% execution.
As a creative you have to cultivate habits like discipline, trust, patience, and a filter that blocks out people that stifle your creativity.
When you're not following a little book of life that can tell you pretty accurately what you'll be doing twelve Thursdays from now at 4pm, you have to have a lot of trust. Sometimes that means not knowing where your next paycheck is coming from. In these times, that little smidge of a cop mind (Yin/Yang, right?) can start to surface with doubts like these:
"Am I doing the right thing?"
"Does my work matter?"
"Should I get a regular job/go back to school/move back in?"
I've been helping artists get what they need for most of my adult life. Insurance, direction, visas, a space to create, a witness, support, inspiration.
I've seen magnificently successful artists swing from tons of money, to zero money. I've seen well established artists in their fifties and sixties doubt their craft with these same questions.
You need to understand something about yourself, Holly. If you identify as a creative, that's who you are. The rule book exists in a completely different culture than you live in. No matter how stressful things get, putting on a uniform and trying to fit yourself into a little box with a clear outcome will not be the solution for you, dear one. If you do this, the world will not have your gift. I don't want to live in a world that doesn't get to see your art.
So don't give up. Don't hit the book. Having a cop mind isn't bad at all (unconditional love, right?) it's just a completely different culture, and it won't ever be your solution. So toss it out. Don't give it any life. Apologizing, settling, and backtracking is not an option.
You are creative. As such you are responsible for the creation of all that you see. As creative you ALWAYS have access to other ways around a problem besides the "obvious" choice.
I've stepped out of conventional Life Coaching completely (because I'm not a cop)to focus on what is most important to me: Giving artists of all mediums have the tools they need to stand in their power as creatives, and own it, get PAID for it. With time I'll finesse the perfect platform to launch you and all your friends off of, but for now, I'll share what I have - which is the support you need to stay creative.
I want a world where some kid in a car can see you walking down the street with your wild-ass outfit and your wild-ass hair, happy AF because you trust yourself, and realizes there's a way to BE that his parents haven't told him about yet. I want this kid to go home and start creating. Bang, we just created one less angry cop, walking the motherfuckin' beat all resentful because they opted to do something they can't stand because they couldn't trust themselves.
The emails you opted into receiving from me (you can unsubscribe below) will all be geared towards this mission. I'm going to teach you how to trust, how to stay in your creative zone, how to attract buyers by being, and manifesting (yes) everything you desire into existence. If you have friends you think could use something like this, they won't find it unless you send it to them. So be the connection, and let's collaborate on this.
You can do it, you already are doing it, so don't give up.
xoxo - H
This is a new direction for me, which has required a lot of TRUST, show up authentically or not at all, right? Your feedback isn't weird, you're not creepy for replying. Your support keeps me going, so let me know if you're loving it or what you'd like to see more of.
Just photos: @raremediums
metaphysics and me: @thehollyallison
Your local currency is the man-made creation we use to represent the energetic exchange of what we need to feel abundant in our life.
Giving and receiving is an energetic exchange, paper money is simply what we use to define it, we could just as easily use crayons, tulips (en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tulip_mania), or salt.
When you start to focus exclusively on the amount of money you need because it makes you feel safe, you are manifesting it as an object instead of understanding the energetic exchange that it is.
This periscope should make it a little easier to understand.
On the morning of 9/9/15, my best friend told me he couldn't stop thinking about this idea of the observable universe. How is it that so much of what we know about space is only based off of what we could observe? I had no interest in what occurred before or after death, I refused to think about it due to my deep aversion to all things religious, spiritual, or mystical.
He died that night, and I was forced to ask the most important question of my life: "what happens next?"
If you have a hard of a time with the G word as I did, believe in dark matter. What is this force we can't observe, can't figure out, and only know it's there based off what we know is around it - yet it keeps us alive? Keeps us in place. Gives us all life as we know it. What is this dark matter?
Why is it that we're so concerned with what's out in space, yet we don't know what's at the core of our own planet? The depths of our own oceans?
Why is it that so many of us are content to only use a fraction of our minds and have that be that? If our brain is so powerful it named itself (chew on that), why is it that we're never using 100% of it at a time? How much of what we are seeing is merely our observable vision? How much in the world is there that we're not seeing? Can we understand outer space if we don't understand inner space?
In the last year I've been forced to explore my own inner space. I tried shifting it all outwardly, tried to avoid sitting with the sadness of my human experience so far. I ran out as far as I could to the world, demanding to the stars to GIVE ME A SIGN! I avoided going IN because I was terrified that if I got to the core of me there would be something so scary, so worthless, so inherently bad that it would blow me up on contact.
When I ran out of running out, I was forced to crawl into my inner space. Shit was hard, it took a lot of love and a lot of patience, a lot of quiet. I surrendered to the dark matter. I fell into it. I'm still not at the bottom, never will be, but what I found on the way in was a stillness, a love, and peace that had always been there, unobserved✨