On the morning of 9/9/15, my best friend told me he couldn't stop thinking about this idea of the observable universe. How is it that so much of what we know about space is only based off of what we could observe? I had no interest in what occurred before or after death, I refused to think about it due to my deep aversion to all things religious, spiritual, or mystical.
He died that night, and I was forced to ask the most important question of my life: "what happens next?"
If you have a hard of a time with the G word as I did, believe in dark matter. What is this force we can't observe, can't figure out, and only know it's there based off what we know is around it - yet it keeps us alive? Keeps us in place. Gives us all life as we know it. What is this dark matter?
Why is it that we're so concerned with what's out in space, yet we don't know what's at the core of our own planet? The depths of our own oceans?
Why is it that so many of us are content to only use a fraction of our minds and have that be that? If our brain is so powerful it named itself (chew on that), why is it that we're never using 100% of it at a time? How much of what we are seeing is merely our observable vision? How much in the world is there that we're not seeing? Can we understand outer space if we don't understand inner space?
In the last year I've been forced to explore my own inner space. I tried shifting it all outwardly, tried to avoid sitting with the sadness of my human experience so far. I ran out as far as I could to the world, demanding to the stars to GIVE ME A SIGN! I avoided going IN because I was terrified that if I got to the core of me there would be something so scary, so worthless, so inherently bad that it would blow me up on contact.
When I ran out of running out, I was forced to crawl into my inner space. Shit was hard, it took a lot of love and a lot of patience, a lot of quiet. I surrendered to the dark matter. I fell into it. I'm still not at the bottom, never will be, but what I found on the way in was a stillness, a love, and peace that had always been there, unobserved✨